Remembering like 10 years ago when mcdonalds said 'this guy is the hamburglar now' and then we said 'k cool whatever' and proceeded to never see him again.

Honoring OJ on this day by giving his commemorative POG Slammer a hard whip to the floor

Today I drove to a service call an hour and a half away to tell the bar their beer wasn't pouring because their keg was empty. Right on.

Bart: Ay caramba! I just learned that managing trauma is a lifelong process.
Homer: (weird season 1 voice) That's right, boy.

Just crushing beers for fun. Haven't done this forever. Not going out, not doing anything different just throwing beers in the mix. I'm having fun.

Games always be loading. What's with that

There are cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see them.

the masculine urge to open your fridge in the middle of the night and pull out a stack of precariously balanced cartoon food on a single plate

“I consider mids loud. I get fully destroyed off half a hit of that booty shit.”

something I'm working on

I want AI to make Childs tell MacReady 'and also, I am the thing now' and then he eats him all crazy like

What if there was a fucked up little guy just running 🏃‍♀️ around he's doing crazy shit and he's fucked

This is so fucking bleak man

u just gotta believe

Lol that’s funny dude. Reminds me of something one of my mentally ill twitter friends said several months ago.. hang on just give me 45 minutes to find it so I can read it out loud for you,

Just opened up a crisp refreshing Coca Cola classic. …hey, it’s the weekend ya know!

Sounds like something somebody recording bathroom stall use would say.

What terrible, jarring choice for a game soundtrack. Paceless. Un-hummable.