I don’t wanna brag, but my teenager just talked to me for like 8 seconds.

You’re telling me I’m supposed to just move on with my day after this?

🤣😂

Who is this guy?

Dolly Parton is amazing!

Every Republican member of Congress voted against the Inflation Reduction Act.

That hasn’t stopped them from claiming credit now that billions of dollars and thousands of jobs are coming home.

That's alright: Bidenomics works for all of America.

#Apollo11 launch day, 54th anniversary.
🇺🇸🚀🌛
Steak and eggs today celebrating in style at home with my Anca.

Had enough yet ?

Today, some of the books that shaped my life—and the lives of so many others—are being challenged by people who disagree with certain ideas or perspectives. And librarians are on the front lines, fighting every day to make the widest possible range of viewpoints, opinions, and…

You have wrinkled linen shirts. You have a hot, humid garage. Connect the dots, my friend. These are genius dots.

- Darling, you're manspreading again.
- I can't help it. It's the lavender.

After you fart three times in the car, DO NOT — no matter how funny it may seem — say to your wife: “To air is human.”

I’d like to see a movie where the hitman opens the briefcase to assemble the high-powered rifle and sees it’s made by Ikea.

Because they might have paid us a couple of million dollars but instead we have been able to control and sell the Flying Circus everywhere in all formats. Python owns everything now including the movies except The Meaning of Life. We may be silly but we’re not stupid.

Is there a social hierarchy in evolution? Specifically, just who do these goats think they are?

I think of our house as “mine” and my husband as a pleasant lodger. He doesn't like when I say this, so I word it differently each time.