ok my bad. i was the bigshot executive who told jerry seinfeld to get the Fuck out of my office when he pitched a show to me that wasnt woke

This tweet lives rent free in my mind.

white people will really slaughter your whole family and think they’re more civilized than you because they did it with their pinkies up

hot girlfriend/ugly boyfriend combinations are commonplace. the reverse is like seeing a shooting star

One reason rapidly spreading college protests are being fought exceptionally hard is the 3.5% rule. Historically it takes just 3.5% of a population to challenge the government before it can't resist change. For the US that's about 12 million, there are 18 million college students

A lot of you all would’ve absolutely hated the Civil Rights Movement had you lived through it, and it shows.

Get that youth vote by banning TikTok and teargassing the dorms.

Hey babe do you think your hottest friend would want to see challengers with us. also can I talk to you about something

If the United States saw what the United States is doing in the United States, the United States would invade the United States to liberate the United States from the tyranny of the United States

'why are you wearing a mask'

I'm adapting to the realities of the present. You should try it some time.

Omg, yes!!!

[as I drop a 2000 pound bomb on a hospital] protesters of this have gone too far

NYPD’s strategic response group is currently moving in to clear the NYU Palestine solidarity encampment.

Hundreds of students moved towards police as they approached to protect the encampment and fellow students who were praying when they showed up.

Students have their arms

“Have you seen how they treat women & gays in the Middle East?!”

Have you seen how they treat them in Florida & Texas?? What in the upside down are y’all talking about

Wow.
Let's work through *all* the slides Yale School of Public Health shared...
🌎'What we know (and don't) know about Covid's effect on the immune system'
🧵

i had a nightmare i was at my ex’s house and i ate one of his bagels and he was like “you owe me $1.99 for that”

A woman just said “COVID’s over” to me on the street and instead of something clever I said, “fuck you bitch, I hope you get it.”

The sluttiest thing a man can do is be obsessed with you.

In 1968, Columbia students held a dean *hostage* for 24 hours, and the police didn't show up until a week later. We used to be a proper country.