Had she survived the pandemic, she would have become a meddling grandma TikTok star. We miss you, Mom!

Friends! I’m on this horribly early flight from Ohio to make my Mother’s Day show tonight. Your attendance will be my only gift besides a hastily picked flower from my son, stolen from a neighbor’s yard.

Omg. Comedians want laughs, that is all.

he heard all the girls want to meet him

I’m glad so many people are enjoying this show that was written exclusively for me.

She went with San Leandro!

I want to watch Hacks but I have to see where she bought. This is a mother and her adult son, in the Bay Area. Is this my future? Is she me?

American Airlines always wants to know how much money it would take for me to give up my seat- do they chronically overbook, worse than other airlines?

It's truly unbelievable that something incredible exists that breathes so much life into a dead art form, and people are like, “What's the point?” The point is to laugh. Comedy is supposed to make you laugh.

Househunters is looking at houses right next to my hometown. I’m not used to ppl looking in CONCORD

Saw his pic, guessed “testicle salad chef” and I was right!

LA! You might have missed the aurora borealis but you won't need to have FOMO for Facial Recognition Comedy's Netflix is a Joke show tomorrow featuring headliners from Netflix, Saturday Night Live, and more! new.hotelcafe.com/event/netflix-…

I should not be able to predict the exact text of a New York Times article 18 months before it is written. That I can shows that something is deeply wrong.

I learned how to do this when I got my PhD studying mafia states in the former Soviet Union.

joan rivers roasting melissa rivers

DITTO

Last night at the Funny Bone in Dayton, get ur tickets at my site or theirs!

this could be us in December

I really do not understand the calculus of constantly insulting young people, and presuming what they do or do not know. Also, college students during the CRM didn’t have to understand the entire history of racism to know segregation was immoral. Did BLM protestors have to know…

My advanced degree in Kate Middleton studies has given me the confidence to say this looks photoshopped

horrific omfg