psa: men like to be chased and wooed a little bit too, ladies

especially dem titties

My elderly next door neighbour asked if I could put a shelf up and unsurprisingly, I'm now walking funny.

There are only two things in this world I could destroy faster than your pussy and that's your garden and a cheeseburger.

i understand what you feel

~Me flirting.

If I could tag my cat in cat memes id be like 'lol this is so you'

These Insurance prices are fucking me harder than you can.

Sorry I walked away in the middle of our conversation, but I gotta see where this caterpillar is going.

when I say I’m draining I’m referring to your balls not your energy

Good afternoon everyone expect that one bitch that won’t take accountability for their actions

Starting a Wordle nude room if anyone’s interested, you get 6 tries to get the D in the right box.

never stop telling her how beautiful she is, motherfucker

It really sucks when someone steals your tweet and it gets no likes

You look like you buy eggplant unironically

telling the truth is becoming a crime in Brazil. be careful, this is happening to you too

The only thing I'm wearing today is a smile.

the sluttiest thing a man can do is read a book I love

You are sick and twisted. Come sit a little closer.

No matter how much thread and bandages are holding me together… I still love with my whole heart.

~I hate this for me

Sometimes the right person, the right words, even the right place can find us right when we need it most.