Imagine what Joe Walsh could do with Taylor Swifts team behind him

At night I like to tell my wife about all the different cats I met that day while she stares at the wall and imagines a better life

Transferring brain cell

The Taco Bell cantina burrito is one of the greatest foods I’ve ever tasted I wish I was being paid to say this

One of my favorite activities is giving someone a big hug hello and saying I missed them while not being fully sure who the hell the are

Please sign my petition to make diarrhea medicine easier to open link in bio

I wish everyone in the world could have big naturals if only for a day

You’re telling me an 18 year old can go fight and die in battle but he can’t give me a little kiss?

It’s ok to let them vote

Using Ron Goldman’s last words in an advertisement smdh

How is this guy always having such a good time and I lie awake feeling guilty about something I said in high school

The Dunkin app is down looks like I’ll have to go outside and talk to ppl

If there was a god why would he make you so fucking stupid?

me vibing at 4am then realising i gotta work tomorrow

one thing that has never happened, and will never happen, is a high school boy getting hormone therapy and publicly coming out as trans for no reason other than to have a better shot at going all state in girls soccer than boys soccer

I gave my cat a spoonful of ice cream and he gave me the same look I gave my dad when he was in a manic state, gave me $400, and dropped me off at the mall for 5 hours

If you get mad when ppl you’ve never met mispronounce your name have you considered getting a personality?