STRAIGHT FACTS

Yeah, I just… can’t.

Shoutout to the woman across from me on the L train, wearing a shirt that simply says “Sex” while reading a book simply called “Rave.”

My favorite person at the beach today is the moderately leathery woman with a pack of Marlboro Lights in a Ziploc bag.

Last time I went to the vet, they asked if they could put Eddie on Tiktok. I need to start charging.

It feels fitting that on my decade anniversary of living in NYC, an elderly man stopped me to make a snarky comment about drinking iced coffee, and followed it up with “I love life, I love WOMEN,” and I promptly ran away. God bless this mess. I made it!

I aspire to this level of grace and poise when I have to scoop my 40 pound terrier up off the street before he chases a cat-sized rat down the street.

On today’s run, a bug flew directly into my tear duct. It’s time to quit!!!

Just walked past someone in a Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds shirt, and a block later, passed a man who looked exactly like a Brooklyn version of Nick Cave himself, haircut and all. This must be a good omen for the day!

I was a lot more business then than I am now!

Just saw a man run by in a Celino & Barnes “INJURED?” tshirt cut into a crop top. I now know exactly what I’ll be wearing in this year’s marathon.

I hope I can give my buddy a life anywhere near this wonderful, for all of his days til the end.

Sometimes I wonder why my dog gets so antsy and cannot chill when we’re sitting and relaxing anywhere outside our apartment, and then I realize… he is me, in dog form.

One mile into my run today, and one bug flew into my mouth, another into my eyelashes. This is a terrible hobby.

The way I howled