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Bio ... too old, too white, too Catholic ... Tweets 8,2K Followers 329 Following 435 Account created 20-07-2015 16:54:16 ID 3384747730
Android : tweetjoke.co/2O3 by Kent Graham #Marriage
Android : Stop doing whatever it is that’s happening — because I will not REST until something different happens!-my first blatantly political tweet
Android : I’m studying dishwasher loading, garbage transportation, spider extermination and anger de-escalation also known as Mixed Marital Arts.
Android : I'm watching the infomercial "How to Tighten Crepey Skin" with Jane Seymour and Melissa Gilbert, in case there's any prairie scenes.
Android : I'm reading a steamy romance for people who suffer with OCD. It's called, "Neurotica".
Android : I was going to do a thought experiment but I lack the proper equipment.
Android : It’s 2018 and there is still no AshleyMadison for parents looking for five peaceful minutes with well behaved kids
Android : Dear Satan,Please get out of my child.Thanks, Court
Android : How to get rid of that song stuck in your head:... let it go, let it go. turn away and slam the door ...
Android : So, apparently, my wet dreams consist of me going to the farmers market and then waking up in disbelief that those big ass vidalia onions were 5 for $1.00.
Android : Every secret society you know about, is a bad secret society.
Android : Fistful of Twinkies my dog used to be fetching ... :)
Android : tweetjoke.co/rsP by Ham on Wry #Baby
Android : Steve Olivas
Android : You're deveined, I bet you think this prawn is about you. 🎶
Android : "HOW AM I GONNA ITCH MY BALLS WITH THIS CUP ON MY PENIS MOMMA," yelled my son from 2nd base so literally every single parent, coach, and child at the entire complex heard him
Android : Self prank:Make yourself wake up and go through the entire day [repeat till death]
Android : “Impacted”- for when you’re not sure if it’s “affected” or “effected”.
Android : Sitting on my couch eating hot Cheetos while watching professional bowling, this is the life I dreamed of.
Android : Wearing clothes an extra day helps the environment by less detergents being used but I draw the line at crunchy socks.
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