Useless Rap Name Idea #3,791:

Bonita Trapplebum

The Republicans really nominated a guy for president who has to leave the campaign trail for six weeks to sit in his own criminal trial. Can someone please tell me how this is a good thing for Trump? Missing work because you're a defendant wouldn't fly in most job interviews.

What if the CTU stopped focusing on a nebulous issue like housing and actually worked on a schools issue like special education. There are parents all over the city that can’t send their kids to CPS because the schools cannot accommodate their needs. Work on that first.

What does this have to do with schools? There are parents in this city who cannot send their kids to a CPS school because the special education system is broken. But you’re not talking about fixing that real issue. You’re picking a fake fight with office buildings instead.

We live in a country where a major political party wants to drug test people for food assistance and opposes universal pre-K and free lunch for kids, but sure. Tell me again how robust our social safety net is when people can go bankrupt because they got sick.

Aight, so I watched the Jerrod Carmichael Reality Show and, while it’s definitely provocative, my real beef is with the fact that that man was sucking a dude’s toes like fifteen minutes after meeting him. That’s just nasty behavior generally. He don’t know where that foot’s been.

Am I the only one who is trying to figure out how the right reconciles their evangelical champion who single-handedly overturned Roe being the same guy on trial today for paying a bribe to a porn star for her silence?

Gen Xer’s grew up watching movies where the rich kids were always the bad guys. We need to remember the lessons of our childhood and act accordingly.

Am I the only one looking at what’s happening in Hip Hop right now and thinking that this is pretty much how the Dominion Wars started on Deep Space Nine?

Can we all agree that Watch For The Hook is one of the top three posse cuts of all time?

Real talk. When did God drop them axolotls? Them shits wasn’t out when I was a shorty.

Damn. At least they got to make the documentary a couple of years ago, but still. This man was one of the principle soundtracks to my college experience. DF forever.

Real talk, last month I was picking my kid up from school in a Nike hat while wearing some New Balance sneakers and I felt like the biggest bamma in the history of school pick up bamma shit. I knew better. I shoulda done better.

Trying to explain OJ Simpson to my 12yo last night and the closest analog I could come up with was trying to get her to imagine if Shaq was accused of killing some people. Her face dropped and she was like, “But Shaq is so nice!” and I said, “So was OJ in 1993.”

Dude, no. This ain’t it.

Y'all be respectful. Khloe lost her daddy today.

Say what you want about OJ Simpson, but he was a cultural touchstone for Gen Xers. From the Hertz commercials to the acquittal, the man was ever-present. Also, Chris Rock and Bill Maher are gonna need to find new material now.

Admittedly, in 2016 I thought Trump was a joke and I genuinely believed he wanted to lose. This time around, I think he really wants to win, but he doesn’t know how to run a functional campaign versus an insurgency. I think he’s going to lose because he doesn’t know how to win.

Y'all, we gotta be reasonable here. The body cameras did their jobs and showed the story. He pulled on the cops first. Were the police supposed to try to negotiate with him while he was firing? It's never a civilian's job to deescalate a situation, but don't escalate either.