You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

Now convinced the Great British Baking Show gets most of its views from grieving families who need something to put on the TV while they eat and stare

If you're wondering if I'm fun to be around, the highlight of my week has been recreating a sandwich I ate once in 2104 have been thinking about ever since

#TEAMSAPPHIRA RISE UPPP💙💙💙

My boyfriend just said, 'I'm going to do a crazy white person thing,' and then heated up a mug of water in the microwave 😭

oh hey Gritty, I didn't realize you were #TeamSapphira . makes sense though, #TeamPhilly !
#DragRace

T.G.I.S.N. (Thank God It's SURVIVOR Night)

I love all my fellow finalists, but #TeamSapphira , right?
#DragRace

Radiologist administering my transvaginal ultrasound: I'm just gonna move this to get some pictures from the right.

Me: Oh, excellent. That's my good side.

Today's earthquake originated near Lebanon, NY, officially reclassifying it as an 'earthdabke.'

Do the kids even say 'duh' anymore?

Oh shit Ronna McDaniel got Shane Gillis'd

🚨SPECIAL #FeministBuzzkills with Lizz "Insufferable Wench" Winstead & @MojiLocks. Abortion Access Front #MSWMedia 💄
Alyssa Al-Dookhi (they/them)

AAF's Feminist Buzzkills were AT SCOTUS

Guest: Michele Goodwin

Listen: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/buz…

Trying to concentrate in a very important meeting but I have the 'This is for Rachel' voicemail stuck in my head

stand up comedy is slam poetry for people who are kinda bitchy