I saw one picture of a snake popping it’s head out of a toilet bowl in Florida 15 years ago and now every time I’m in Florida I shit with urgency like there’s a fire starting in the room.

Dudes who created AI music software: This will revolutionize musical storytelling.

Me: I’m going to make a song about Captain Crunch being on Epstein’s Island.

Me after discovering AI music making.

Quarterbacks who get smashed by a 240 lb linebacker don’t make this face. Batters who take a 99 mph fastball to their body don’t make this face. Devin Booker isn’t just a bitch in his sport. He’s a complete bitch of a man. He has no self respect. He’s a coward. A shit human being

Does anybody else in Texas remember when they tried BLUE ALERTS on iPhones like two years ago and some cop in Dallas got shot and the whole state was woken up at 4 am and it was like, “WTF do you want me to do, drive 5 hours and try to confront someone who shoots at cops?”

I’ve been around a lot of retired athletes over the years. Dudes who did 10+ years in major sports leagues and have a good amount of money in the bank but a lot of them clearly have lost their purpose in life by 40 and it’s kinda sad. RJ is living his true purpose and it’s great!

We need to get back to ogre quarterbacks that look like Peyton Manning because these Gen Z white QBs are all starting to look the same to me.

I feel like invading Poland today.

Facts.

MY FRIEND GROUP:

“I grew up fishing lobster on my dad’s boat in Rhode Island.”

“I grew up on a cattle ranch in west Texas.”

“I grew up a military brat all over the world.”

“I grew up in the inner city.”

ME: “I grew up in the chain restaurant capital of Minnesota.”

'If you had to sleep with one man who would it be?'
Normies: Ryan Reynolds
Chads: Henry Cavill
Me, an intellectual: Jack Mandaville

We got a drift car and a FedEx truck. Jack Mandaville

Road trips will never be the same! #brcc #americascoffee

Jack Mandaville evan hafer Caleb
JTArticle15

I don’t understand how a white bitch who loves anal so much can be so threatened by gay dudes in the military.

I’m sorry.. WHAT? 💀☕️

Dude’s really calling other men lazy from a firehouse. Bro, you work 3 days a week.

Everybody needs to calm down. I did one enlistment in the military twenty years ago. I’ll text Joe Biden on how to handle Iran.

One of these days someone is going to try to tickle one of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier guards. It will be so silly!

Only unaccomplished nostalgia-simps think Americanism is about bloodlines. Those who come here from any nation, ethnicity, class, or timeline and make good on the dream are pure American.

“Hey, what’s 40 like?”

“I’m financially secure, I spend my downtime watching baseball and historical documentaries on tv, and I assume every new physical ache I have is either leading to a heart attack or cancer.”