There's a banana peel... Jacking off in the corner of my living room, all attempts at communicating with it have failed #weirdwednesday

'Sir we are going to have to ask you to please not throw your prosthetic leg at other passengers' #weirdwednesday

Man on street 'Where's your mother?' Me 'oh she's (pointing) right over-' man throws an orange into my mom's face #weirdwednesday

#weirdwednesday

every hour the cuckoo clock in my house has been sending out a penis that chirps instead of the usual bird #weirdwednesday

My mailman keeps pegging my dog with gumballs. #weirdwednesday

#weirdwednesday

It's been a pretty Weird Wednesday #keepitweird #weirdwednesday

The things Rachel Meek sends me #onlyonawednesday #weirdwednesday weird wednesday

#weirdwednesday

I just saw a gigantic animated oak tree chase my buddy around time square begging for a nerds rope. #weirdwednesday

I sat down to take a shit, and I felt a pair of hands lightly cup my balls? #weirdwednesday

My ear fell off this morning, and before I could pick it up a little man ran by and took it, yelling 'you deserve this!' #weirdwednesday

My penis keeps trying to start small talk with me every time I use the restroom. #weirdwednesday

What if boobs were little squirt guns that shot poison to keep away rapists? #weirdwednesday

So many questions #weirdwednesday

There are hundreds of infants crawling across the hotel lobby in an assembly line singing, 'I believe I can fly' #weirdwednesday

Walked into math today to see a full grown eagle teaching my class. Everyone was just sitting there taking notes #weirdwednesday

He's.... The penis man #weirdwednesday